In these last several posts, I've been exploring the 7 Steps To Enabling Your Clients To Master Change. In my last post, we looked at step 5: introducing a new state. I continue exploring step 5 here. It's all about understanding what's behind what people are telling you. Once you've understood them on a deeper level and begun to learn their inner language, you can lead them forward.
After we take people through suffering and then redefine their problem, we have them write 20- to 30-year health and life goals. Remember: great communicators use the communication as given to them. When you see the goals that people write, look at their values. You see a person who says, "I want to run marathons." Who is this person? We don't talk about the goals, we speak about the person who's writing the goals and what their values are.
When they see that you understand their values and identity, when they recognize that you comprehend who they are, their body language changes. You want to be an example of strength and health in your life, you want to be an example that in spite of the fact that you may be getting chronologically older, that your body is strong and healthy.
You continue: "Age is not a barrier. Mindset is a barrier. So, who do you believe you are?" That's how we talk. We talk about their values.
Now, as a chiropractor, what's your value? You want to be a leader in your community, you want to inspire others to be a better person. Do you want your identity to represent what health is? What's your purpose? It's this: You want to contribute to people's lives on a higher level. Those are your values, identity, and purpose. That's what we speak about, so you're introducing a new state, a new condition.
People may be working toward goals but they can't get there when they're subluxated. Talk about their values. Find out what their values are.
Say to them, "You want to create intimate experiences with your family. You want to provide experiences for your children that they'll remember. You want to create memories for your family for the rest of your life."
That's a value.
Tell them this: "You want to represent someone to your family that gives them opportunity. You want to help them flourish in your life, if that's who they are."
That's identity. That's purpose. When you hit those things, people will say, "That's right. Absolutely."
Then you say, "How important are those values to you? How important is that to you after you've spoken your values?"
Now they're going to give you a superlative word. "It's extremely important."
Now you associate it with their health. "What's your health have to be like to be a great leader to your family? Be a great provider. To feel like you're significant in your career. That you've done good, that you've contributed to the lives of others. What's your health have to be?"
It has to be amazing.
"What's the most important thing in your life?"
They will say, "My health." Now, what I did was associate their health with the thing that matters most. You're introducing that new state by talking about their values. You're making them feel good when you talk about their values, they're giving superlative words.
They will feel differently in their body, and you'll see it in their body language. They're going to stand up straighter. Their words are going to become stronger. They're not going to say "good." They're going to say "amazing." They're going to say superlative words because you have spoken to them about what really matters.
You're not talking about their goals—you're talking to the person who wrote those goals, so how do you know what those values are? This way: you're going to see patterns. Put yourself in other people's shoes and then you yourself become these people too. Who's that person who wants to coach their kid’s soccer league? Why? What are their values? They want to help their child be a leader, they want to teach their kids unity with others, they want to teach them to work with a team, they want to teach them to be successful, they want to teach them athletics, they want to teach them how to push themselves to really attain their goals. How to win, in a sense, how to be successful. They want that memory with their kids, so those are the things I would talk about.
Those are their values.
And you've just built a relationship with them! You're connected. What you did was to give them significance. You gave them certainty. You gave them connection. You gave them growth. You acknowledged their desire for contribution.
As a result, they have lost the right to object because you have introduced a new state into their suffering. You didn't tell them that you could help them. You asked them to imagine what it would be like: you introduced a new state. And so we need to keep that state going.
Next, we'll move into step six: conditioning that state.
I'd love to hear your experiences about introducing a new state with your clients. How did you coach them into imagining what it would be like if they worked with you? What were their hesitations? What were the results?
Thank you for sharing.